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Subscribe I have a little problem.
Let’s take a closer look.
It’s my culvert.
Just barely, you can see the cement that braces the culvert on this side. Way under water.
The culvert isn’t draining properly, and why is a mystery hidden under 100 feet of pipe.
That’s right, 100 feet of pipe. It might make sense to, you know, EVERYONE, to simply run the pipe under the drive to the barn here–and here only–
–and then release the water into the, you know, NATURAL CREEK. After all, what does the pipe need to do but let you drive freely to the barn? But no! That is not what has been done. The pipe runs way, way on across the rear barn yard, bypassing the natural creek and setting up 100 feet of pipe waiting to clog or collapse.
The bypassed natural creek bed:
The creek has been bypassed for 100 feet to let out way over here on the other side of the rear barn yard.
From there, it runs down a ditch to rejoin the creek where another (short and therefore properly working culvert) runs beneath the right-of-ways on my farm and then releases on out into the continuing natural creek bed.
Why such a lengthy pipe run was laid is a deep and mysterious question. For one thing, it sets up a situation in which you have a serious amount of pipe underground, and trouble awaits. Second, bypassing the creek means there is no naturally flowing water in the rear barn yard. The natural creek bed only has water in it after a rain–and that water comes from the overflow due to the blocked culvert.
I’ve tried all kinds of self-help and minor assisted-help. My cousin helped me dig out the release ditch in hopes that would improve water flow. When I had the septic issues in December and they brought a backhoe, I had them clean out the culvert, hoping for improved water flow. I had Sean and Sean (the superboys) get shovels one day and dig into the pipes (yes, there are two pipes at the start, then only one pipe coming out at the release point–why???) to try to improve water flow.
Nothing is working.
I believe the best solution is to dig up the pipe where it crosses the drive to the front barn yard, find out if anything is wrong in that section, then cut it off. Bypass the 100 feet of nonsensical pipe and release the water right past the fence INTO THE NATURAL CREEK BED.
Because I just can’t take this anymore. I can’t drive to the barn because it’s always wet. I need to drive to the barn to offload feed, materials, and sometimes hay. Some days, I can barely walk to the barn for walking through a pond.
I explained my plan to Dave and Matt.
They said, “Whatever you want us to do, we’ll do it.”
And, by the way, that right there is why you need a Dave and Matt. Or sometimes you might just need a Sean and Sean. Often times, you might need a cousin Mark. Or even a neighbor Jim or a neighbor Andy. Or even an old neighbor Skip. Or an old farmer Lonnie. But, ladies, what you don’t need is a man.
I’ve resolved to be a non-practicing lesbian. Let me explain. I coined this term some time back. In fact, I used it in one of my romance novels, though I can’t remember which one now because I can’t remember most of them. I had first decided to be a non-practicing lesbian back in my old farmhouse days. Back then, I tried to talk Georgia into being a non-practicing lesbian, too. We’d have a non-practicing lesbian compound! Georgia always found me amusing in a sort of baffling way.
Non-practicing lesbian means you aren’t actually a lesbian (that’s the non-practicing part), but you don’t want to be with a man (that’s the lesbian part).
This is especially handy if a man tries to hit on you. You just explain, “I’m sorry. I’m a non-practicing lesbian.” That really ends the conversation, ladies, because they are so confused. So write that one down.
You’re welcome.
I was talked out of my non-practicing lesbianism at one point, and I lived to regret it, so learn from me.
Now back to telling men what to do and THEY DO IT.
Dave and Matt will be here on Monday, and as God is my witness, I will never walk to the barn through a pond again. And when they’re done, they’ll leave. (This is a key component in non-practicing lesbianism. The men do what you tell them to do, then they leave. It’s totally empowering.)
P.S. I apologize to all of you who are happily married or etc. Carry on. Consider naught of my silly dribble.
The rest of you, take heed!
Posted by Suzanne McMinn on February 4, 2012
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{btw check out your Kickstarter link… above]
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good luck with the pipe that goeth nowhere….. Love the “as god is my witness” line btw.
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I studied it, and decided on what I thought was the logical thing to do….MOVE water conditioner and hot water tank over near the drain, so on those occasions when an actual overflow might occur, it goes directly to the drain instead of making a lake.
I know, seems simple, right? So why did it take me to figure this out, the water conditioner had been there for 20 years and the water heater longer. Makes me scratch my head and ask….What were they thinking when they came up with this plan!
Bottom line is, my idea worked and has been working for more than 15 years. I truly have no idea why it was done that way in the first place, other than that was the corner the water entered the house.
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Can the ends just be sealed off and then forgotten about? I agree that getting an expert eye, i.e., the county agent, would be a good idea before doing anything else. Hope this resolves soon!
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We have an old spring area that has some old concrete culverts along its paths, not the whole way, and all I think it does is help prevent wash outs during heavy rains. They were added as my father and uncles came across them… no idea where though! They just appeared out back every now and then. I don’t THINK they were the type to just help themselves at road projects, but you never know! They were all depression survivors and made do with whatever they found!
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looks at them and says in a very strong voice “CAN YOU SPELL L-E-S-B-I-A-N? LOL People say the funniest things.
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All this repair stuff reminds me of when I moved into the first house I bought. The good thing is, once it’s over, you know all your house systems and you know they’re okay.
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I’m 62 and have been a NPL for over 15 years except I call it BAV, born again virgin. I’ve never been happier, healthier or wealthier. Just sayin.
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Back many, many years ago when a man ran into a woman they could not conquer, the man would refer to her as a “libber”, things have changed a lot over those many years, and I am not familiar what a NPL is–I guess I am really out of touch
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I kind of like the non-practicing lesbian idea; I’ll also take “a wife” though.
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Loved your ramble! I’m a proud, gen-yoo-wine PL, and let me tell you, some guys kind of like the idea, so the pronouncement of being a NPL should be used with caution. Just sayin’. I can’t tell you how many men have sidled up and said “I’m a lesbian in a man’s body” and I tell them I have a friend they need to meet, because he loves going out with guys who think they are lesbians. Usually shuts ‘em up.
But in fairness, there are a lots of really great guys out there; I work with a maintenance shop full of them, so don’t be too harsh with them. They are wired differently, so you’re never going to work with them like you do other gals. But then again, I just hire them for labor and send them home too…
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So what about us guys? Is it acceptable for me to be a “Non-practicing homosexual” and just hire females for various projects?
…just askin’…
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Also, I invite both genders to cross the role line a bit. My brother taught his wife how to do laundry, and he makes a mean spaghetti. I bought a HUD house, and learned lots about tiling, sheet rocking, painting, plumbing and how to build a fence. I still hate going under the house, though!
Maybe the main message is to value the skill and work of others without making it an expectation/condition of a relationship. And if you carry that attitude forward into a good relationship, working together is so much easier.